booze news for youse.

Okay Australia, I think you've had enough.

You've been drinking all day and you're a mess. Look at you. You're dehydrated. You're abusive. You're getting in fights and you're spending money you don't have. That's enough.

It's a common claim that alcohol is ruining this country. Crime. Violence. Domestic abuse. Car crashes. The drink's got a hold on us, but we can't hold it. Makes sense. But I don't think we should blame alcohol. Alcohol's done great things in the past. It's social lubricancy has kept the cogs of society running smooth for years. It's responsible for the birth of many of us. And at least once a year we read a great story about an elephant eating old berries and going on a rampage (http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21432722/from/ET/). Alcohol's getting a bad wrap.

Alcohol isn't ruining Australia, Australia's ruining alcohol.

Our inability to stop when we're in a decent state makes us a country of messy boozers. It's not enough to get drunk, we need to get DRUUUUU(hic!)UUUUUUNK!

Why?

Is it the last thing we grab on to at night to prove our prowess in the macho arena?

"Six cocksucking cowboy's thanks"

Maybe.

Is it because we're rebelling against measures to slow down our drinking?

"I'm gonna stick it to the man. But first I'm gonna have one more..."

Possibly.

Is it because it's 'part of our culture'?

"Happy 21st. It's a funnel of goon."

Surely.

What ever the reason, it's no good excuse. We egg one another on to get blind, then we do stupid shit and blame alcohol. If alcohol had a choice, he wouldn't be mates with us after all the shit we lay on him.

Who crashed the car? Not me, I blame the alcohol. I didn't cheat on you honey, alcohol did. Nah, alcohol brought that street sign home.

I'm just saying sometimes it's not alcohols fault. It's yours, dickhead.

But only sometimes.

Cheers.