Smokin!

Smokers! Enjoy it while it lasts people.

A few of my mates are smokers.

“Mate, just cos they change the packaging, it won’t stop me from smoking.”

Ha ha ha! Have you seen the new packs? Holy fuckamoley. They look like they could give you eye cancer just looking at them. They are truuuly, truly horrific.

Imagine being in the focus group for that.

“Well that one makes me feel physically ill, but that one makes me want to tear out my own eyeballs. Ohh, I just can’t make up my mind!”

One mate said that if the pack’s too gross to look at, he’ll just buy a cover to put them in. But with the hardline the government is taking on em, it’s probably only a matter of time before the covers have to be adorned with warnings. Inevitably, there’ll be a subsequent cover, then another warning, followed by another cover then another warning, and it’ll go on and on and on until every time you want to smoke, you ‘ll have to play and increasingly morbid game of pass the parcel.

“Oh! Oh my! Yuk! Gross! Oh my god! Jesus that’s horrible! WHAT IS THAT!!! Oh yeah, it’s Malborough time.”

Personally, I don’t think it’s gone far enough. Sure the packets are covered in open wounds, but is that really enough? I wanna see tombstones on the paper. How about green smoke? A little stock in the filter that makes a death rattle whenever you inhale? These are all good ideas, and I reckon it’s only a matter of time before we see em.

Cos it’s a hard line they’re taking on smokes. And I’m pretty sure the only reason they’ll stop short of getting a thug to whack you over the head every time you light up, is because they know the pain would remind you you’re still alive. And that’s the last thing they want.